Big Feller

Velocity felled the great giant

He stood looking very defiant

Till up came a lad

A slingshot he had

Now the giant is more than compliant

Came a Cropper

The day that a young Alan Cropper

Took his first ever flight in a chopper

His excitement was high

As they soared through the sky

Till the pilot said he couldn’t stop her

Sentenced in Lieu

The judge put it down to depravity

And sentenced the gang with less gravity

What’s he doing oh dear

It’s hard to think clear

When you’re stuck upside down in the lavatory

Love Lost

The day that I offered my heart

You refused and my world fell apart

When I said what I felt

With a ring as I knelt

You said we both need a fresh start

Surry Curry

With cinnamon, garlic and curry

That went in the pan in a hurry

Hot chillies came fast

Before the great blast

Now dinner is way down in Surrey

Cook Book

I decided to write my first book

Cooking food and the time that it took

I tried cooking with care

But my steaks all came rare

And my custards all burnt and got stuck

No Bones About it

A tale of a lad Jimmy Mullet

Who got a bone stuck down his gullet

He tried hard to dodge it

But couldn’t dislodge it

Till a doctor decided to pull it

Don’t fall Asleep

An old retired dentist from Leith

Could not resist pulling out teeth

His wife when asleep

One eye open would keep

For safety's sake was her belief